Building Emotional Regulation Skills Through Play and Connection
Written By: Dr.Layne Raskin
Emotional regulation is one of the most important life skills a child can develop—but it doesn’t come naturally. Tantrums, meltdowns, and outbursts are all part of the process as kids learn to recognize, express, and manage their feelings. The good news? They don’t have to do it alone.
Through play and connection, parents can gently guide their children toward emotional resilience in a way that feels natural and fun. Whether it’s a silly game that diffuses frustration, a calming ritual that soothes anxiety, or a shared moment of laughter that strengthens trust, these everyday interactions help children build the skills they need to navigate big emotions. In this post, we’ll explore how play fosters emotional growth and share practical strategies for supporting your child through connection, curiosity, and joy.
Emotional Regulation in Children
Emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time, not something children are born knowing how to do. In the early years, emotions tend to be big, intense, and unpredictable—one moment, a child is giggling with excitement, and the next, they’re in full meltdown mode because their sandwich was cut the "wrong" way. This is because the part of the brain responsible for managing emotions, the prefrontal cortex, is still under construction. Some children also have more sensitive threat detection centers in their brain, so while their reaction may seem outsized to you, their brain may actually be signaling to them, “Danger!” for the sandwich, as if it were a true life or death moment. Young children rely heavily on their caregivers to help them navigate these overwhelming feelings, a process known as co-regulation.
When a parent or caregiver steps in with calm reassurance, offering comfort and guidance instead of immediate solutions, a child begins to learn that emotions—no matter how big—are manageable. Over time, through repeated experiences of being soothed and supported, children internalize these skills and start developing self-regulation. This doesn’t mean eliminating emotional outbursts entirely (after all, even adults struggle with regulation at times), but it does mean children gradually build the ability to pause, reflect, and choose more constructive ways to express their feelings.
Connection plays a critical role in this process. A child who feels seen and understood is more likely to trust that they can express their emotions without fear of rejection or punishment. Through warm, responsive interactions, parents create a foundation where emotions are not something to be suppressed or ignored, but rather explored and understood. Whether through a comforting hug, a moment of eye contact, or simply sitting close and acknowledging their frustration, these small acts of connection send a powerful message: "You are not alone in this. I’m here to help you figure it out."
Emotional regulation isn’t about silencing emotions; it’s about learning to navigate them in a way that fosters growth and resilience. And the best way to teach this? Through everyday moments of play, connection, and gentle guidance.
The Power of Play
Play is more than just a fun way to pass the time—it’s one of the most powerful tools children have for understanding and regulating their emotions. When kids play, they aren’t just engaging in entertainment; they’re experimenting with feelings, practicing self-control, and learning how to navigate social interactions in a low-stakes environment. Whether they’re building a block tower and dealing with the frustration of it toppling over, pretending to be a superhero conquering imaginary fears, or roughhousing with a sibling and figuring out boundaries, play gives children a safe space to experience, express, and regulate emotions.
Play is like Exercise
From a brain development perspective, play is like exercise for emotional growth. It activates neural pathways that help children manage stress, adapt to new situations, and build resilience. Physical play, like running, jumping, or climbing, allows kids to release pent-up energy and tension, making it easier for them to calm down afterward. Imaginative play, like storytelling or role-playing, gives children a chance to process real-life emotions by acting them out in a way that feels safe and manageable. Even structured games with rules—like board games or turn-taking activities—help kids practice patience, coping with disappointment, and flexible thinking.
Connection Between Parent & Child
One of the most beautiful aspects of play is that it strengthens the connection between parent and child. When a parent joins in—whether by playing pretend, laughing together, or simply following the child’s lead—it creates a sense of emotional safety. This connection helps children feel secure enough to take risks, make mistakes, and try again. Through these moments of playful interaction, kids learn that emotions, even difficult ones, can be worked through with support.
Ultimately, play is a child’s natural way of making sense of the world, and when parents engage in it with warmth and curiosity, they’re not just having fun—they’re helping their child develop lifelong emotional regulation skills.
Here is a video by our very own Dr. Alan Wenderoff about the importance of Play for young children The Power of Play that further expands on these details.
Play-Based Strategies for Teaching Emotional Regulation
Children learn best through play, and emotional regulation is no exception. When kids engage in playful activities, they have a safe and engaging way to explore their emotions, practice self-control, and develop coping strategies. The key is to incorporate play in a way that feels natural and fun while also building emotional awareness and resilience. Here are some ways to use play to support emotional regulation:
1. Emotion-Themed Games
Games that encourage children to recognize and name emotions help them build emotional awareness, a critical first step in regulation. Activities like "Feelings Charades," where kids act out different emotions while others guess, or matching facial expressions to emotion words, help children learn to identify and express their feelings. Board games that involve turn-taking and frustration tolerance (like Candy Land or Jenga) also teach kids patience and self-control.
2. Calming Play Routines
Certain types of play help children self-soothe and calm their nervous system. Sensory play, like squeezing playdough, playing with kinetic sand, or engaging in water play, can be particularly effective in helping children regulate big emotions. Simple breathing games, such as pretending to blow out birthday candles or taking deep “balloon breaths,” teach kids how to use their breath to calm their bodies.
3. Storytelling and Puppets
Stories allow children to explore emotions in a way that feels safe and non-threatening. Reading books with characters who experience big feelings and discussing how they handle them can provide kids with valuable emotional tools. Puppets and stuffed animals can also help children externalize their emotions, acting out situations and practicing problem-solving in a playful, low-pressure way.
4. Rough-and-Tumble or Physical Play
For many kids, movement is essential for emotional regulation. Running, jumping, swinging, or even a playful pillow fight can help release built-up energy and frustration. Games that involve controlled movement, like "Red Light, Green Light" or "Freeze Dance," also help children practice impulse control and transitioning between excitement and calmness.
5. Collaborative Problem-Solving Play
Playing cooperative games, such as building something together with blocks or solving a puzzle as a team, helps children practice patience, frustration tolerance, and flexible thinking. When challenges arise in the game, parents can coach kids through their emotions by modeling calming strategies and positive problem-solving approaches.
At its core, play is a child’s natural way of learning. By embedding emotional regulation skills into playtime, parents can offer their children the tools they need to navigate big emotions in a way that feels engaging, supportive, and fun.
What to Do When Emotions Overwhelm
Big emotions can feel overwhelming—for both children and parents. Whether it’s a toddler’s full-blown meltdown, a preschooler’s frustration bubbling over into tears, or an older child shutting down in anger, these moments can be challenging to navigate. But here’s the key: Children aren’t giving us a hard time; they’re having a hard time. When emotions run high, kids need support, not punishment or dismissal. They need a calm, steady presence to help them find their way back to regulation.
Stay Regulated Yourself
The first and most important step is to stay regulated yourself. When a child is overwhelmed, they look to the adults around them for cues on how to respond. If a parent reacts with frustration or urgency, the child’s nervous system interprets this as further danger, escalating the distress. But if the parent remains calm and steady, they send a different message: "You’re safe. We’ll get through this together." Taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and softening your body language can make a world of difference.
Focus on Connection Before Correction
Next, focus on connection before correction. When a child is in emotional overload, their thinking brain is essentially offline. They aren’t in a place to process logic, consequences, or problem-solving. Instead of jumping straight to reasoning or discipline, try to acknowledge what they’re feeling. A simple statement like, “I see that you’re really upset right now. I’m here,” can help a child feel understood, which in turn helps them begin to regulate. Sometimes, just sitting close without saying much, offering a hug if they’re open to it, or using a soothing tone can create enough safety for them to start calming down.
Time to Talk
Once the emotional storm has passed, that’s the time to talk. Reflecting together on what happened—without shame or blame—helps children build self-awareness and learn better coping strategies for next time. Questions like, “What were you feeling at that moment?” or “What could we try next time when you start feeling that way?” encourage kids to think about their emotions and develop a toolbox of strategies for handling them.
Time & Practice
Most importantly, remember that emotional regulation is a skill that takes time and practice. Children won’t always get it right (and neither will parents!), but every moment of support, patience, and connection helps lay the foundation for lifelong emotional resilience.
Conclusion: Small Steps, Big Impact
Emotional regulation isn’t something children learn overnight—it’s a skill built through everyday moments of play, connection, and support. By using playful strategies, staying present during big emotions, and modeling calm regulation ourselves, we give our kids the tools they need to navigate their feelings with confidence. There will still be meltdowns and tough moments, but each one is an opportunity to practice, grow, and strengthen the bond between parent and child. Over time, these small, consistent efforts add up, helping children develop the resilience and self-regulation skills they’ll carry with them for life.
At Everyday Parenting, we believe in empowering families to create meaningful connections and navigate challenges with compassion and confidence. Whether you're seeking strategies to address specific behaviors or simply want to strengthen your family bond, we’re here to support you every step of the way. Contact us today to learn how our evidence-based approaches can help your family thrive.